


Stalled

by obs3ss1ons



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:58:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obs3ss1ons/pseuds/obs3ss1ons
Summary: Vic realizes that Lucas hasn't brought up the marriage topic after being together for over two years and makes some conclusions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is some heavy angst. I promise I started it before this week's episode. Bring tissues.

“It’s about time they did this,” Travis said as he walked up to Vic. They stood off to the side, watching Andy and Ryan dance. The rest of the team was scattered throughout the crowd. It was a small crowd made of mostly firefighters and police officers since that’s where all of the newlyweds' friends came from.

“I’m just glad they finally sorted everything out. Of course, now we won’t have to hear about Andy second-guessing how Ryan truly feels all the time,” Vic commented.

“Oh, thank God!” Travis exclaimed dramatically. Vic laughed. But then Travis casually asked, “So, when will it be your turn? I mean, you’ve been together longer than anyone.”

Vic stopped laughing and let her gaze wander over to where Lucas was talking to Captain Herrera. She sighed and replied, “I have no idea. We haven’t even talked about it.”

“It’s been over two years, and you haven’t talked about getting married?”

“No, we haven’t. Honestly, I’m scared to bring it up. I mean, he’s always been the one who pushed our relationship along. And yet for some reason he doesn’t seem inclined to take the next step,” Vic explained.

Travis suggested, “You don’t think he’s against marriage, do you? Surely he would’ve told you that by now.”

Vic shrugged. “I don’t know. Like I said, we’ve never talked about it. Like, at all.”

“Talked about what?” Lucas asked, walking up and sliding his arm around Vic’s waist.

“Nothing,” Vic hurriedly told him, sending Travis a warning look.

Lucas stopped sipping his champagne and looked at her out of the side of his eye. “Okay…”

“Best friend talk,” Travis said. Vic bit her lip. Knowing she shared something with Travis that she didn’t want Lucas to know would make her boyfriend more than curious. He wasn’t going to leave her alone until she told him.

But she didn’t want to tell him. She couldn’t be the one to bring it up. They’d settled into roles in the relationship. Vic set the rules – and broke them. Lucas decided when it was time for the next step. Everybody joked that she was the boss when not at work, but that wasn’t really true. He set the pace. She was just along for the ride for as long as he’d let her.

A new thought struck her, and Vic choked on the champagne she’d just taken a drink of. Lucas gave her a concerned look, but she waved him off. Travis just stared at her with an eyebrow raised. Vic shook her head at him, subtly. They would definitely talk, but not when Lucas was around. Because she had to wonder if there was a reason Lucas had yet to even mention the word marriage. Or wedding. Or ring. Or even forever.

Did he not want her forever? Did their relationship have an end date that she didn’t know about? Did he know when it was? Or was it just going to be him surprising her one day by kicking her out of their house? Telling her he was done with her. That he didn’t really love her. That he just settled for her until someone better came along and caught his attention.

Vic felt her mood sour along with her thoughts. She was at a wedding. Her best friend’s wedding. She should be happy and carefree. Not brooding over the end of her own relationship. So she downed the rest of her champagne and told the two men, “I’m going to go see if Maya needs help with bridesmaid things.”

She spent the rest of the night avoiding Lucas. She helped Maya load up all of the gifts. They sent the newly married couple off to their honeymoon with well wishes. Vic even volunteered to stay late to help clean up from the festivities. Of course, that meant Lucas stayed as well since they rode together. But she managed to keep busy enough that they couldn’t really talk. If he tried, she would quickly find something else that needed her attention.

Eventually, though, the venue was spotless. Vic ran out of reasons to stay and grudgingly said goodbye to those still around. Lucas led her outside and helped her climb into the Jeep without tearing her tight-fitting, ankle-length dress. She let Lucas hold her hand on the way home out of habit. But they didn’t speak. He left her alone to stare out the window and not let her mind drift back to Travis’s question. Or the thoughts that followed it.

Once home, Vic immediately went to the bedroom and changed into her nightclothes. Lucas entered the room as she pulled on her shorts. He stopped near the doorway, hesitated a moment, and asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she told him as she picked up her dress and laid it across the top of the dresser. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“The last time we went to a wedding together, we didn’t even make it home before you attacked me,” Lucas stated.

She shrugged nonchalantly. “I was in this one. I helped plan it, helped make sure it went smoothly. And we helped clean up. I’m tired.”

“You’re sure that’s it,” he said, his voice giving away that he didn’t believe her.

“I’m sure,” she replied before dashing into the bathroom and shutting the door. She needed to get herself together before he figured out what was going on in her mind. Because once he did, she knew they’d be done. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to keep her around once she knew the truth.

A single tear slipped over her cheek. Vic wiped it away. She didn’t want to think of Lucas that way. She loved him. She wanted to believe he loved her, too. He’d been the first one to say it, after all. And he asked her to move in with him. Yet she could not once remember a time when he said anything about staying with her forever. It had been over a year since he commented about their future. And that realization broke her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Vic pretended to sleep until she was sure Lucas was gone for the day. She’d fussed about him working the day after the wedding, but it turned out to be a good thing. Her realization the evening before had kept her awake most of the night. Random ways that he might break up with her flitted through her mind. The little sleep she did get was filled with dreams of their ending.

Her shower that morning took extra time because she stood under the spray and cried. She knew it was stupid to cry over something that might not happen. But the more she thought about it, the more of a possibility it seemed. Even after everything they’d gone through to be together, they weren’t going to last. Worse, Vic had no idea how long she had before it happened.

After forcing herself to stop crying long enough to get out of the shower, Vic hurriedly got dressed. She rushed out of the house without bothering to put on any makeup. She would just cry it all off anyway. Besides, only two people were going to see her. The guy who handed her the two coffees through her car window, and Travis. Neither of them cared what her face looked like.

She rang the doorbell and waited impatiently. Then she knocked. She pressed the doorbell again just as the door opened. Travis glared out at her. “Why are you up so early? Why are you waking me up so early?”

“I brought coffee,” Vic replied.

“You may enter,” he said and stepped back. She moved inside and shut the door. Travis reached for his coffee and sipped from it with his eyes closed. Then he looked at her, and he seemed to wake up instantly. “What’s wrong?”

Vic burst into tears again. Travis took her coffee from her and set both on a table beside the door. Then he placed his hands on her back and arm, leading her to his living room. She sat on the sofa, her face buried in her hands as sobs wracked her body. Travis disappeared for a moment but returned with their coffees, setting them on the coffee table.

“Vic, what’s going on? Is it something with Lucas?” he asked as he sat beside her.

Vic nodded. She sucked in air as an attempt to control the sobs. It took several minutes, but the crying finally slowed down enough for her to say, “I think Lucas is going to leave me.”

“What makes you think that?”

She sniffed. “He’s never once, in two years, said anything about us being together forever. He hasn’t even mentioned the future since I moved in with him.”

“Maybe he’s just scared,” Travis suggested, handing Vic a box of tissues. “The only steps you have left are marriage and kids. Both of those are pretty life changing.”

“I know that,” she admitted, wiping at her eyes. “But I was thinking last night, and I realized that I’ve never heard him say anything about us and forever.”

“Are you sure you haven’t just forgotten a conversation? I’m sure there have been plenty in two-and-a-half years,” Travis pointed out.

Vic shook her head. “I can’t remember even one time. What does that say?”

Travis sighed. “That he's an idiot.”

“That doesn’t want to stay with me,” Vic mumbled. “I don’t even know if he actually loves me.”

“Oh, he loves you,” Travis told her. “He can’t hide that. I’ve known that since the day I found out about you two. The way he touched you. The way he looked at you. Oh, yeah, the man is in love with you.”

“Maybe he was two years ago,” Vic argued. “But people fall out of love all the time.”

“Not people who are meant to be.”

“Haven’t you been listening? We are not meant to be.”

“Says you.”

Vic stood and threw her hands in the air. “It’s not me. It’s the fact that Lucas and I have been together longer than any of our friends' relationships. Except Andy and Ryan. They don’t count. But he has not one single time told me that he wants to be with me forever. I’m not just talking about marriage, either. I don’t care if we never get married. I just need to know if we have a future, or if I need to start looking for a new home and a new job.”

“Whoa, Vic! Slow down a little,” Travis said, also standing. “That’s a little drastic. You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Let him explain.”

“You mean let him break up with me.”

Travis held his hands out toward her. “No. That is not what I mean. I don’t think he is going to leave you. He loves you. So much that he’s the reason our entire team found out you two are dating.”

“Because he can’t keep his damn hands to himself.”

“That is true,” Travis agreed with a soft laugh. “Would he be like that if he was going to leave you?”

Vic shrugged. “He hasn’t instigated sex in months.”

Travis’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“Yeah, it’s been my idea every time for the last few months,” Vic told him. “Just last night he made a comment about being surprised I didn’t attack him on the way home.”

“Well, damn.”

“Exactly.”

“Huh,” Travis huffed. “Maybe you do have a point.”

“Thank you!” Vic exclaimed and turned to pace across the room.

“It’s possible you’ve stalled.”

Vic turned back. “What’s that mean?”

He explained, “I just wonder if you two have reached a plateau, if you will, in your relationship. Meaning you fell into a comfortable routine, and neither of you have the desire or the courage to move it along.”

“You really think that?”

Travis shrugged. “It’s completely possible. It happens to everyone who’s ever been in a serious relationship. It even happened with me and Michael.”

“What happened?” Vic asked, shocked to hear that her best friend’s marriage hadn’t been always sunshine and rainbows.

“After we got married, we had a period of settlement. We already had a routine from living together. Neither of us wanted kids yet. So we started just going through the motions every day. Eventually we stopped going on dates, stopped having any kind of intimacy.” Travis paused and looked into her eyes before adding, “Our marriage was very bland for a while.”

Vic moved closer and softly asked, “Was it that way when he…?”

He shook his head. “No. It only lasted a couple of months. When we realized what was going on, we made a conscious effort to change it. We were doing really well when he died.”

She wrapped her arms around him. He did the same to her. They stood there, neither crying or talking, for several minutes. Vic pulled away first and said, “Thanks, Trav. For trying to help. I really appreciate it.”

“But you still haven’t changed how you feel,” he stated. She shook her head. Travis grabbed her hand and smiled, saying, “Let’s get your mind off of it, then. For a while, at least.”


	3. Chapter 3

Spending the day with Travis did help get Vic’s mind off of her depressing outlook for her relationship. He kept her so busy she didn’t have time to think about Lucas and their future. She even managed to laugh a few times when Travis was being a goofball. It was so nice that when he suggested sharing a bottle of vodka and watching a movie, Vic didn’t hesitate to agree.

It wasn’t until the next morning that Vic realized she hadn’t even thought to let Lucas know where she was. But when she looked at her phone, she had no messages or missed calls from him. Her worries crept in again. She’d been gone all day and all night, and he hadn’t even checked in. No asking where she was or if she would be home. She had to wonder if the end wasn’t sooner than she thought if he didn’t care enough to at least make sure she was safe.

Vic left Travis’s house and went straight to the station. She didn’t want to chance an awkward encounter with Lucas if she went home to change. It meant she was super early for shift, though. She changed into her uniform and went to the beanery. Being the first one in gave her time to make breakfast, though it was technically Ben’s turn to cook.

By the time the others filtered in, Vic had pans of biscuits, gravy, and sausage ready to be served. Ben entered the room and froze when he saw her. “What’s this?”

“I got in early, so I thought I’d make breakfast,” Vic told him.

“It’s my day, right?” he asked.

She smiled at him. “You can take my next turn. Now, enjoy.”

Ben had just sat down with his plate when Dean and Jack walked in. Dean called out, “Did you actually cook, Ben? It smells amazing.”

“I didn’t. Vic did,” Ben answered around a mouthful of food.

Jack asked, “Ripley let you out of the house early enough to cook for us?”

Vic forced the smile to stay on her face when her heart lurched at the sound of her boyfriend’s name. “Uh, I didn’t go home last night. I fell asleep at Travis’s.”

“And didn’t stay around to offer me a ride,” Travis added as he came in. “But wow does this look good.”

“Well, eat it, please,” Vic said with a wave over the food. She ignored the look Travis sent her way. Of course he would pick up on her fake optimism. He knew what was really going on. She just hoped he would leave it be while they were at work. She didn’t want her personal issues to get in the way on any calls they had. Speaking of calls, Vic escaped and headed for the Captain’s office.

Sullivan was behind his desk. Vic knocked on the open doorway. He looked up and nodded. “What can I do for you?”

“Umm, have you finished truck assignments?” she asked as innocently as she could.

“Doing that now,” he replied, eyeing her suspiciously. “Why?”

Vic bit her lip, licked it, and continued, “Is there any way I can be on aid car today?”

He set the papers he'd been holding down and focused on her. “Can I ask why?”

“I need to be kept busy.”

“There are plenty of ways to do that without being on aid car,” he told her.

Vic lowered her head. “I know. It’s just that aid car has three times as many calls as the trucks. And I-"

“I’ve already given it to you,” Sullivan cut in.

“What?” she asked, looking up again.

Sullivan actually smiled. “Luke called me last night and said you have something bothering you. I already planned to put you on aid car. I can’t have you going into fires with your mind elsewhere.”

“Oh,” was all Vic could manage. Lucas had called her captain, but not her. He had noticed something different about her, though. And he told his friend about it. That meant he still cared a little bit, right? Enough to keep her chances of being in a dangerous situation low. But then, he could’ve done that to protect the department and any possible victims. A distracted firefighter was one of the worst types. They got people killed.

Thanking Sullivan, Vic left the office. She avoided the beanery and instead went to the roof. The skyline was hidden by clouds that would bring rain at some point. The grey, billowing sight reflected how Vic felt. She knew she was being ridiculous. Probably overreacting. Yet she couldn’t help any of it. She couldn’t change the thoughts that kept replaying in her mind. Especially when Lucas’s behavior hadn’t really disproven them.

She stayed on the roof until the alarm went off for aid car. Vic was relieved to find that she was riding with Maya. Travis would make her talk, and the other guys still enjoyed teasing her about being with Lucas. Maya, however, had eventually accepted it as normal. She didn’t make a big deal about it like the guys did. Plus they could talk about Andy’s wedding and how glad they were that it was finally over with.

The day went by fairly quick. Vic and Maya were called out a few times, mostly for minor things. Travis stopped bugging Vic about Lucas after she changed the conversation topic for the third time. And the others seemed to know they needed to leave Vic alone. If she didn’t trust him, she would’ve accused Travis of telling the whole team what she’d confided to him. But she knew he would never do that to her. The team was just close enough they probably picked up on her despondent mood.

She made it until nightfall without worrying about her future. A call came in for aid car to a nursing home. She and Maya had exhausted themselves talking about the wedding during their last call. So it made sense that, as soon as they left the station, Maya asked, “So, when do we get to start planning your wedding?”

Vic closed her eyes a moment to keep from crying. She plastered a smile on her face and replied, “Travis already has that taken care of. You’ll have to ask him for the details.”

Maya laughed. Vic tried to. If only Travis really had her wedding planned out, Vic wouldn’t be so depressed. But then, if he did it would be for a wedding that apparently wasn’t going to happen. Vic wasn’t sure which scenario was more upsetting.


	4. Chapter 4

Both Maya and Travis invited Vic to breakfast after shift, but she turned them down. She needed to be alone so she could work through her thoughts and fears. So she went home to the house she shared with Lucas. He would be working all day, so she didn’t have to worry about him showing up and trying to get her to talk. She wasn’t even sure he would try, anyway. For all she knew, he could just assume that they were over already and just patiently wait for her to realize it.

She needed something to keep her mind off of him, so she decided it was a good day to deep clean. It hadn’t been done in a while. She started in the living room, dusting and polishing everything. But then she decided the room needed a change, so she switched around some of the furniture. She was glad Lucas wasn’t there to yell at her for doing it by herself. It wasn’t like sliding a sofa across carpet was that difficult.

Next was the kitchen. She wiped every surface until it shined, washed every single dish, and even cleaned out some old food from the refrigerator. As she was sweeping, her phone went off with an incoming message. Vic checked it, hoping for something from Lucas. It was from Andy instead, thanking Vic and Maya for gifting her and Ryan a trip to New York for their honeymoon. Vic replied and set her phone on the counter. 

Only then did she realize what time it was. And that it had been over thirty six hours since she’d last talked to Lucas. All of her energy and motivation left her, and she collapsed slowly to the floor. She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. Her head rested back against the cabinets. They had never gone more than a few hours without at least checking in with each other since they started dating.

Vic reached up and grabbed her phone. She found Lucas’s contact, but then stopped. What if he was busy? Or maybe he didn’t want to talk to her. He hadn’t contacted her, either. So, what did that mean? Was he just giving her space? Was he relieved that she hadn’t called or texted him? Did he not care how her day went anymore? If she had a good or bad shift? That she decided to go home?

Her mind spiraled. She glanced around the kitchen and suddenly didn’t care that it was spotless except for the floor she sat on. It didn’t even feel like her kitchen anymore. It wasn’t her kitchen. It belonged to Lucas. He only offered to share it with her for a little while.

Tears burned Vic’s eyes. Clenching her phone, she stood and went to the bedroom. The bed was unmade. Dirty clothes piled up around the laundry hamper. Vic had been too busy with Andy’s wedding to worry about keeping up with laundry. Lucas’s running shoes lay beside the closet. A pair of his shorts and a tank had been left on the bed. Vic brushed them off onto the floor. Then she crawled onto the bed and curled into a ball.

She could smell Lucas on the sheets and his pillow. Her chest burned, and the tears broke through. How was she supposed to give all of this up? How could she give him up? But it seemed more and more like she didn’t have a choice. If Lucas wanted out of the relationship, there was nothing she could do about it. She would just have to find a way to move on. And not just from Lucas.

No, once they were over, Vic would have to quit the department. Or at least transfer somewhere else. She’d have to find a new place to live. And she’d be forced to give up her team, her family. Even if they stayed in contact, it wouldn’t be the same. They wouldn’t see each other as often once they no longer had shifts together. If she quit being a firefighter, her daily schedule probably wouldn’t match with theirs very often.

For the first time in two-and-a-half years, Vic began to regret getting involved with Lucas. It had just been fun for the first several months. Then they – she – fell in love. By then, Vic didn’t need to think about what would happen if they ended things. She had just assumed that they’d always be together. But she’d been wrong. And now she was realizing how big of a mistake she’d made.

Vic cried for so long that she fell asleep. When she woke up again, the room had darkened. She searched for her phone and found it on the floor beside the bed. The screen showed that it was well past time for Lucas to be home. She got up and headed toward the living room. As she neared it, she heard the TV playing quietly. She was mildly surprised to find Lucas sitting on the sofa, staring at the screen.

He looked up as she entered the room. “I ordered Chinese for dinner. Yours is still in the bag in the fridge.”

“Thank you,” Vic whispered. She went to the kitchen and got the bag. Sweet and sour sauce from their favorite Chinese delivery place wafted up when she opened the container. She warmed up the chicken, rice, and spring roll before carrying it all into the living room. She sat on the opposite end of the sofa and dug into the food. “Sorry I didn’t cook anything tonight.”

Lucas shrugged. “It’s fine. Clearly you had a busy day.”

Vic looked at him. Something in his voice was off, but she couldn’t place it. It almost sounded like sarcasm, but he wasn’t smiling like he always did when teasing her. Was he upset that she didn’t check in with him? Had something happened that she didn’t know about? She asked, “How was work today?”

“It was fine,” he replied without taking his gaze off the TV.

Okay, no talking about work then. She tried again. “Do you like how I moved the furniture around?”

“Sure.”

“I can move it back, if you don’t.”

He did look at her then. “You don’t need to do that. It’s fine the way it is.”

She shoved a forkful of rice into her mouth. He was upset, and he wouldn’t tell her why. She wondered if it was because she was still there. Had he expected her to be gone already? No, he ordered her dinner. But that could’ve been out of a sense of obligation. Maybe that’s all she was to him anymore. Someone he had to put up with until she caught onto what he wanted and left.

Her food suddenly didn’t seem very appetizing. She carried it into the kitchen and put it back in the refrigerator. When she returned to the living room, Lucas was watching her. “You feeling all right?”

Vic responded, “I’m just not hungry. Thank you, though, for thinking of me.”

Surprise flashed in his eyes, followed by a mixture of sadness and hurt. He said, “Of course. I don’t want you to starve, and you clearly worked hard cleaning today. It looks great.”

Vic just gave him a tight smile. At least he’d noticed. But still, did he not wonder why she had the urge to clean to such an extent? She hadn’t done anything like that since she moved in. And yet she felt the need to do it when faced with being forced to move out. If only Lucas would ask her why she did it and not just accept it. Show that he still cared about her just a little bit.


	5. Chapter 5

With all of the tension and awkwardness between them, Vic decided to go back to bed. She pretended to be asleep when Lucas joined her hours later. It was difficult not to react when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed against her back. Usually she would turn into his embrace. Usually it would lead to at least one round of sex.

And usually Vic wouldn’t wake up the next morning alone. Yet when she opened her eyes, Lucas was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in the shower, or the kitchen, or watching TV. It was his day off, but she didn’t know of any plans he had. They tended to spend the day together when they were both off. Apparently Lucas had decided he didn’t want to spend that day with her.

Vic called Travis to see if he wanted to hang out. He answered very animatedly, “Hi, Vic! What is up?”

“Uh, hi. Are you busy?”

“I am, actually. Why? Do you need something?”

The way he was talking made her wonder if he was alone. Probably on a date. Vic sighed. “No. I’m good. I’ll talk to you later.”

She hung up and tossed her phone onto the bed beside her. Lucas ditched her. Travis was busy. Vic really did not want to spend the day alone. Despite worrying about the topic of weddings coming up, Vic snatched up her phone and called Maya. As soon as her friend answered, Vic said, “Please tell me you’re free today.”

“I am. Are you in need of a girls day?”

“Yes. Desperately. Can we?”

Maya laughed. “Sure. I’ll come pick you up in an hour. Does that work?”

“Yes! See you then,” Vic cheered. She dashed toward the bathroom to take a shower. By the time Maya showed up, Vic was ready to have a day of absolutely no men. And this time, she purposely didn’t let Lucas know where she was going. If he even cared, then he could just worry for a while. After all, he hadn’t thought to tell her where he was that morning.

As soon as Vic got into the car, Maya asked, “Isn’t Ripley off today, too? I thought you’d be spending the day with him.”

“He’s busy,” Vic answered vaguely. Thankfully Maya didn’t press. Instead, she changed the subject to what they wanted to do. They ended up going totally girly. They got their nails done and went shopping at all of their favorite stores. Vic went a bit overboard. But she figured she might as well get some new, cute outfits to wear when she started over. Maybe having new clothes would help her not be quite as depressed about losing Lucas.

They were eating a late lunch when Vic’s phone rang. She was kind of surprised to see that it was Lucas calling her. But she didn’t want him to ruin the good mood she’d achieved, so she ignored the call. She looked up to finish speaking and found Maya giving her a curious look. Vic asked, “What?”

“Is everything okay with you two?” Maya inquired quietly.

“We’re fine,” Vic replied. “I’ll call him back when we’re finished eating.”

And she grudgingly did. While Maya visited the ladies room, Vic pulled out her phone. She had another missed call and three texts. All from Lucas. So apparently he did still care some. Or he wanted something. She called him anyway since she told Maya she would.

He answered right away. “Vic, where are you?”

His voice sounded upset. Worry creeped in. Vic told him, “I’m having a girls day with Maya. We just finished lunch. Why? Is something wrong?”

“Besides the fact that I came home and you weren’t here but your car is?” he responded. “No, everything is perfectly fine.”

He was definitely upset. Possibly a little angry. She didn’t want to deal with that. Especially not from him. She spotted Maya heading toward her and turned her back. Then she said into the phone, “I have to go. I’ll be home eventually.”

“If you say so,” he replied before hanging up. Vic stared at her phone. He never hung up on her like that. Clearly he was mad at her. But for what? Going out with her friend when he wasn’t home to spend time with? It’s not like she was the type to sit at home and wait for him.

“Everything okay?” Maya asked as she reached her.

Vic smiled. “Yep. All good. Where to next?”

They visit a few more stores and have dinner. Then Vic, not wanting to go home and face Lucas, suggests going to a bar. Maya rarely turns down a chance to drink. So they head to the closest bar and get a table. Vic bought the first round as a thank you for keeping her busy all day.

Maya sipped her drink before asking, “So, why are you avoiding going home anyway?”

Vic drank half of her own. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the one that suggested we hang out today, and you keep finding new things for us to do. You have a day off with your boyfriend, yet you chose to spend all of it with me,” Maya pointed out.

“I told you, he’s busy.”

“All day?”

Vic shrugged and stirred her drink. “I don’t know to be honest. He didn’t tell me his plans.”

“I thought you two shared everything,” Maya commented.

“Not everything,” Vic replied. She had once thought they kept no secrets between them as well. But lately she had learned the truth. She didn’t even know what to believe anymore.

A new drink was set in front of her. Vic shook her head and said, “I didn’t order another one yet.”

The waiter pointed toward the counter. “That gentleman said he noticed your drink is low and bought you another.”

Vic followed the direction. A guy around her age with dark skin and nearly shaved off hair waved at her. She waved back at him before turning back and sipping her drink. Maya kept looking over Vic’s shoulder and finally commented, “That’s sort of creepy.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Vic admitted. She switched over to the fresh drink.

“Okay, what is it?” Maya pressed, crossing her arms atop the table. “Something is going on with you and Ripley. Are you fighting? Did you split up and not tell anyone?”

Vic downed her entire drink at once. She needed the liquid courage to get through the conversation without crying. Not meeting Maya's gaze, she said, “I figured out after Andy’s wedding that Lucas doesn’t want to be with me forever.”

“What? There’s no way! You guys are the perfect couple,” Maya argued.

“Apparently not,” Vic stated. “I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be together.”

Maya shook her head. “That’s crazy. If anybody is meant to be, it’s you two.”

“I wish I still believed that,” Vic admitted. “Then I wouldn’t be waiting for him to end it. Or maybe I should just get it over with. Make a clean break so I can start moving on. What do you think I should do?”

“Why would you do that?” Maya asked. “He’s in love with you. Aren’t you in love with him?”

Vic shrugged. “I do still love him, but I don’t think he still has feelings for me.”

“Of course he does. He follows you around like a puppy.”

If only that image could make Vic smile. But she knew it wasn’t true. Not anymore. She picked up her drink only to remember it was empty. Before she could order another, one was brought to her. The waiter said, “Do you know this guy? He sure seems to be watching you.”

Vic glanced toward the guy who had already bought her a drink. He was smiling at her in a casual but friendly way. Vic offered a wave and told the waiter, “It’s fine. He can buy me all the drinks he wants.”

As soon as the waiter walked away, Maya said, “Okay, whatever it is you’re doing right now needs to stop. You have a boyfriend waiting for you at home.”

“Do I?” Vic asked in response. She downed some of her newest drink.

Maya stood and grabbed her arm. “Come on. I’m not going to let you get drunk and wallow about a breakup that isn’t going to happen. And I’m definitely not going to let you psychologically cheat on the Chief.”

Vic opened her mouth to argue, but the warning in Maya’s eyes changed her mind. She let her friend drag her out of the bar and to the car. They didn’t talk during the drive. Vic sulked. She’d had a good day. She’d been happy, carefree. And then Maya, some stranger, and alcohol made her blab about her failing relationship.

Maya dropped Vic off but didn’t get out. Vic gathered all of her purchases and trudged up to the front door. It was unlocked, so she knew immediately that Lucas was home. She went in and straight to the bedroom, dumping her bags on the bed. She pulled a dress out of one of the bags to hang it up.

“Have fun today?” Lucas asked from behind her. She spun around to find him standing in the doorway. His gaze was focused on the pile of bags.

“I did,” Vic replied as she went back to hanging her new clothes.

“Good.” He appeared next to her and sat on a small cleared area of the bed. “Were you with Maya all day?”

Vic glanced at him and continued her task. “I was.”

He silently watched her go through several more bags. Finally, he placed a hand on hers. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Why would you think that?” Vic tugged her hand free and grabbed for another bag.

Lucas sighed. “You know what? I’m not really sure why I need to ask if something is wrong.”

He stood and left the room. Vic unrolled another dress before letting it fall to the bed. Her spirit depleted. She was relaxed from the alcohol, worn out from the day’s activities, and stressed. She wasn’t up for a confrontation with Lucas. Her stamina left her. She crawled over the bags left, rested her head on her pillow, and curled into a ball. She didn’t even have enough energy left to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warn you that I wrote this chapter the day after we all saw Vicley have their first fight. It also happened to be the anniversary of one of my best friend's death. My emotions definitely played a part in writing this, and I am so very sorry.

Yet again, Vic woke up to an empty house. She didn’t mind it quite as much, though, since they both had to work that day. And this time he left a note explaining that he had to go in early.

“How thoughtful,” Vic mumbled as she began getting ready for shift. She tried to force herself into a good mood by the time she reached the station. She even stopped for her favorite coffee in hopes it would help. Which it did, somewhat. She could at least greet her team without growling at them just for speaking.

“What’s up with you?” Jack asked when she responded to his greeting with only a look.

Maya saved her. Or maybe she saved Jack from her. “Vic has a bit of a hangover from our girls day yesterday.”

“You drank all day?” Dean inquired.

“What’s wrong with that?” Vic snapped.

Dean held up his hands in surrender. “Nothing, I guess.”

“It must be a girl thing,” Jack commented.

“Miranda doesn’t do that. At least, not that I know of,” Ben interjected.

Vic turned to where Travis silently ate his bagel. “Do you have something else macho to say about it?”

“Nope,” Travis replied quickly and without looking at anyone. Vic watched him. He seemed very engrossed in his bagel and every single bite he took.

“Travis, what are you hiding?” Vic asked him. The others all turned to look at him as well.

He stood up. “I’m going to go talk to Sullivan.”

“Thanks for that announcement,” Maya called out as he hurried out of the room. “Okay, Travis is acting weird.”

“He’s been quiet since he got here,” Ben told them.

Jack suggested, “Maybe he’s waiting for Sullivan to tell us what it is. If he is actually talking to him right now.”

Vic took the opportunity to slip out while everyone was so focused on Travis. She agreed with them. Travis was definitely hiding something. But Vic had enough going on in her mind. She would just wait until her best friend was ready to tell her whatever he didn’t want them all to know.

His behavior kept up throughout shift. Vic was on the truck with him and Dean. Yet every call they went out on, the cab was filled with silence. Dean seemed to understand that they both needed the quiet. By the third call of the day and nothing from Travis that wasn’t related to the job, Vic began to worry. Either something was bothering him, or he was mad at her.

She cornered him in the bunk room when they got back. “Okay, what is going on with you? You’ve never been silent this long.”

“Nothing. I’m good. Everything is good,” he rambled.

“Does it have to do with whatever you were busy with yesterday?”

He finally met her gaze. “Umm, maybe. I need to go, uh, yeah.”

And then he was gone. Vic sighed. Not only was her boyfriend tired of her, but apparently so was her best friend. At least Maya and the other guys still talked to her. Maya hadn’t even mentioned what Vic told her the night before. Or the random guy buying her drinks that she gladly accepted. In fact, it almost appeared that Maya didn’t even remember. Except for her excuse of Vic having a hangover. Maybe it was Maya who had the hangover that morning.

Travis avoided her even more after that. The only times she saw him were when they went on calls. And only two more came in for the rest of the shift. Vic’s mood continued to deplete. She spent most of the time alone on her bunk. Which meant she had a lot of time to think. About Travis, and about Lucas. And about the empty house she would be going home to at the end of shift.

When it was finally time for the next shift to take over, Vic gathered her things and headed toward the door. She was a bit surprised to see her entire team standing in the reception area. They were all talking but slowly stopped when they noticed her. Vic hesitantly asked, “What’s going on?”

The group parted, and Lucas stepped out in front. Vic ignored the way her heart jumped at the sight of him. He didn’t have on his uniform but was wearing casual clothes. That confused her. He should have been on his way to work already, not standing in front of her as she tried to leave the station.

He moved toward her until he stopped directly in front of her. And he smiled. Yet there was something else dimming his smile. Vic started to ask, but he spoke first. “I know this is a surprise, especially after the way things have been the last few days. I’m sorry, for whatever I did to upset you, and for not being around. To be honest, I was looking for something. Something special.”

“Like what?” Vic asked, curious and beginning to feel uncomfortable.

“This,” Lucas replied, holding out a small box. He lifted the lid, and everyone in the room gasped. Vic felt tears burn her eyes as she took in what she was seeing. Inside the box sat a gold ring with three mostly flat diamonds. The perfect ring for her to wear at work, really. Lucas cleared his throat and continued, “Victoria Hughes, will you marry me?”

Vic glanced toward her team. Sullivan had his trademark smirk on his lips. Maya was bouncing and pressing her fingers to her mouth. Ben, Dean, and Jack just stared at them, small smiles offering encouragement. And Travis looked like he was about to explode. He wasn’t avoiding her any longer. He seemed very interested in what was happening.

But Lucas was right. It did come as a shock that he was proposing just days after Andy and Ryan’s wedding. The wedding at which Vic figured out the direction of their relationship. His timing was odd. Travis’s behavior during the last twenty-four hours hinted that maybe he was in on it, too. The first person she’d confided in about her fear. And now here Lucas was, asking her to marry him. Without them ever having a conversation about it.

The whole situation upset her. Did Lucas think she would be okay if he gave her what he thought she wanted? Was he just biding more time because he wasn’t quite done with her yet? And then to know that her best friend was in on the scheme. Her tears began to fall. But they weren’t happy tears a woman should have when being proposed to. No, they were tears of hurt, betrayal, anger, embarrassment. She needed to get out of there. So she did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter broke my heart to write.

As soon as Vic reached the house where she currently lived, she pulled out her computer. She searched for affordable homes in Seattle and the surrounding areas. There were a few decent places. One was even in the same building she lived in before moving in with Lucas. She crossed that one off the list. Too many memories there. She needed a clean break.

Unfortunately everywhere she found interesting had a month or more before they would be available. She needed to move out right away. There was no way she could stay in Lucas’s house another night. She would have to either find a hotel room or stay with a friend. But who? Maya’s place still had Andy’s stuff stacked in boxes everywhere. Jack and Dean would annoy her. Ben had a family. That left Travis. Who had plenty of room all to himself.

Even though she was upset that he’d planned with Lucas behind her back, Vic knew Travis would support her decision. He might try to convince her to at least try to fix things with Lucas, but he wouldn’t push too far. He would let her stay with him until she figured out what she needed to do next, maybe beyond that if she needed it. And she didn’t even need to ask if he was okay with it. Travis would always accept her with open arms because that’s what best friends do for each other.

Decision made, Vic left her computer on the kitchen table and headed for the bedroom. She wouldn’t be able to pack all of her stuff before Lucas returned from work. So she grabbed a suitcase and filled it with everything she might need in the next few days. She did get everything out of the bathroom and what was visible in the bedroom. She made sure to take all of her new, fresh start clothes. Except a few favorites, the rest of her clothes could stay behind. Most of them would remind her of some place or event that involved Lucas.

She was attempting to zip the overstuffed suitcase closed when she heard what sounded like the front door shut. The locked front door. Vic checked the time. It was too early for Lucas to be off work. Anybody else would have to ring the doorbell since no one had a key but her and Lucas. Leaving the suitcase open on the bed, Vic cautiously went to see who was in the house with her. She made it to the kitchen doorway before she stopped.

Lucas stood with his back to her, facing the table where her computer no longer had a black screen. It was still open to the list of apartments she’d narrowed her search down to. Vic swallowed the fear that tried to creep in. Even if he did get angry, Lucas would never hurt her physically. He wasn’t that type of guy. She braced herself for his reaction and stepped into the room. He tensed just before turning around.

Vic stifled a gasp. His eyes were filled with pain and sadness. They were red rimmed and slightly puffy as if he’d been crying. His voice was rough when he asked, “Are you moving out?”

She nodded. “I think it’s best.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t go on pretending it isn’t going to happen.”

He shook his head as if clearing it. “What’s going to happen?”

“Us ending.” Vic choked on the words. It still hurt to say it out loud.

“I didn’t know that was even a possibility,” Lucas told her. “I thought we were good. Obviously.”

Vic wrapped her arms around her midsection. “That stunt you pulled this morning hurt. Especially since you did it in front of my friends. My family.”

“It wasn’t a stunt,” he denied, his voice gaining strength. “I wouldn’t have put so much effort into finding the perfect ring or planning the whole thing if it was just a joke. I don’t joke about marriage.”

“You don’t talk about it, either,” she stated.

Lucas paused, staring at her. Vic wanted to cry again, but she refused to let herself cry in front of him. He ran a hand through his hair. The expression in his eyes changed. Some of the anger that had appeared since they started talking disappeared again. His voice sounded choked up, as if he was trying not to cry, when he finally spoke. “It’s not something to be taken lightly. Not for me.”

“I never said it was.”

“I know,” he admitted. “Look, I’ve done it before. Twice. That’s not something I’m proud of. And I never thought I’d want it again.”

“Wait a second, you’ve been married? Twice? How am I just now finding that out after two years?” Vic asked.

Lucas gave her an embarrassed look. “Like I said, it’s not something I’m proud of. And it was over fifteen years ago. I don’t even know where either of them are or if they’ve remarried.”

“Not helping,” Vic told him.

He sighed. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

She glared. “Yes, you should have.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I want to marry you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why?”

“Because this morning was the first time you’ve even hinted at anything resembling forever with me,” she pointed out.

Lucas opened his mouth, but then he closed it again. Vic waited. She wanted to know what he could come up with about that. He stayed silent for a long moment. But finally he met her gaze. All of the emotions she’d been seeing had gone away and were replaced with one. Defeat. He spoke softly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Apparently he was done pretending to want her to stay. Vic hesitated a minute, but he’d lowered his head and hadn’t looked back up. She had been waiting for this moment to happen for days. But still, her heart shattered at the realization that she was right. He wasn’t even pretending to want her anymore.

Vic gave him one last glance before going back to the bedroom. She took a few mementos out of the suitcase and placed them on the bed. Then she zipped it up, hefted it to the floor, and rolled it to the living room. She kept silent as she brushed past Lucas and packed up her computer. He watched her put everything into the carry case, but he, too, stayed quiet. He was still standing in the same place when Vic rolled her suitcase out the door, shutting it behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

Travis opened the door before Vic had a chance to ring the bell. He stood with his arms out, and she practically fell against him. She cried as he rubbed her back, right there in the doorway. This was what she needed. Someone to hold her while she let herself feel. Her entire world was falling apart. But at least she still had her best friend.

Finally she began to calm down enough to pull away from Travis. She wiped at her eyes as he led her into the house and shut the door. He kept a hand on her back the entire way to his kitchen, where Vic noticed a bottle of vodka and two glasses sitting on the counter. She looked back at him. “How did you know I’d be here?”

“Because I watched you turn down a proposal a few hours ago,” he told her, opening the bottle and pouring some into each glass. “Plus Lucas called me and told me you left.”

“He called you?” Vic accepted one of the glasses and downed the liquid.

“Yes, he did. He hoped you would come here to cool off,” he admitted. He held up a hand and added, “His words, by the way.”

Vic sighed. “There is no cooling off. We are done.”

Travis poured her another drink. “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? The guy just asked you to marry him. He wouldn’t do that if he planned to break up with you.”

“Oh, I know what that really was,” Vic said and drank some more. She pointed at Travis. “And don’t think you’re off the hook for helping with that scheme.”

His eyes widened. “What did I do?”

“That’s why you were so weird all during shift. You knew it was coming.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I did.”

“And you didn’t warn me.”

“Of course I didn’t! That would’ve ruined the whole thing!” Travis exclaimed. Then he lowered his voice. “I guess you did that, though.”

Vic watched him take a drink. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugged. “Just that Lucas put himself out there, in front of your family, to propose to you. And you turned him down. That had to hurt.”

“Because he doesn’t really mean it. Or want it.”

“He bought you a ring!” Travis reminded her. “A pretty expensive ring, too.”

Vic set her glass down and stared at her friend. “How do you know how much the ring cost?”

Travis’s cheeks reddened. He sputtered, “Umm, I might have, uh, just a little, okay I did. I helped him find the ring. For you. Because he asked me to. And it took, like, most of the day. We went to seven different jewelry stores just so he could find one you can wear at work. Now you won’t get to wear it. He spent a lot of time and money on that thing. I spent a lot of time and effort helping him plan it.”

Her lips twitched. “You act like you’re the one that proposed.”

“I kind of feel like it. I mean, it’s not every day I get to plan my best friend’s potential engagement,” he told her.

“You mean fake engagement.”

“There was nothing fake about it, Vic. You know I’d never lie to you about something like that,” he said.

“So you lie to me about other stuff?”

He set his glass down. “Can we focus?”

Vic picked her glass up. “On my failed relationship?”

“On saving your relationship."

“If you're so invested, why don’t you date him?”

Travis paused with his mouth open. Then he shook his head. “He’d never date me.”

Vic sipped her drink. “Because you're a man?”

“Because I’m not you,” Travis deadpanned. Vic slowly put her glass down again. He stared at her, his expression completely serious.

She shook her head. “You’re wrong. He’s even proven lately that he doesn’t care.”

“How?”

“The night I slept here. I was gone all day and all night. He never even sent me a text asking where I was,” she told him.

Travis tilted his head side to side. “That’s because he knew where you were the whole time.”

“Excuse me?”

“I let him know you were here.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t.”

“What about yesterday? He was gone all day then.”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I was with him,” Travis admitted. “We bought your ring yesterday.”

Vic let out a short laugh. “Of course you did. So much planning went into that spectacle this morning.”

Travis let out a heavy sigh. “Vic, I’m your best friend. I love you. But right now, I can’t talk to you. Not until you try to open your mind again about the state of your relationship.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you’re so focused on your idea of what Lucas is thinking that you can’t see reason,” he explained. “The man loves you. Just give him a chance.”

“I can’t.”

Travis split the last of the vodka between their glasses. “Take some time. Stay here. You know you’re always welcome. But please, for everyone’s sake, at least let him tell his side.”

He picked up his glass and walked out of the room. Vic held her own glass but didn’t drink from it. So her best friend had secretly helped her boyfriend keep tabs on her. But that didn’t mean Lucas wanted to know. Just that Travis thought he needed to. It didn’t really help her out any.

What Travis said stuck with her. Was she being unfair? Lucas hadn’t confirmed her accusations. He hadn’t denied them, either. Except with a marriage proposal. In front of her entire team. With a ring she would’ve been able to confidently wear to work. Had that been Lucas’s idea, though? Or did Travis think of it? She didn’t know, and she didn’t want to ask and risk losing Travis’s support.

Vic downed her drink and went to get her stuff out of her car. But she met Travis in the entryway as he brought it all in. He nodded toward the bedrooms. “I’ll put your stuff in the guest room for you.”

“Thank you,” she replied. Then she grasped his arm before he could walk away. “Seriously, Trav. Thank you for helping me through this.”

He smiled. “It’s what we do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis is the best best friend anyone could ever ask for.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst kind of takes a brief turn in this chapter. It doesn't get any worse, though.

Vic decided to take the next shift off. She didn’t want to chance seeing Lucas at the station or on scene. He must have told Sullivan about her leaving because the Captain didn’t question why she wouldn’t be in. Travis checked on her one last time before he left. “You sure you’re good here by yourself?”

“I’ll be fine,” she told him. “I might go pack some more stuff since he’s working today.”

“I still think you’re crazy.”

Vic shrugged. “Maybe. But he has yet to prove me wrong.”

Travis sucked in a deep breath and let it out quickly. “What do you want me to tell the team?”

“You can tell them the truth. They’ll find out anyway.”

He nodded. Then with one more glance her way, he left. Vic sighed. She finished getting ready and left as well. She stopped for her favorite coffee on the way to her – no, Lucas’s house. Hopefully it would give her the courage to actually go pack some of her things. She needed to get it done so she, and he, could move on. Somehow.

Everything was exactly as she’d left it. Even the towel she’d used the last time still hung on the rack where she left it to dry. The bed was unmade. Her pillow was turned sideways and had an indentation across the middle. The picture of the two of them that she’d taken out of her suitcase right before leaving sat on his nightstand.

As tears pooled in her eyes, Vic left the bedroom. She went to the kitchen to see if there was anything she wanted to take. When she moved in, they combined what they could from the two separate kitchens. They sold both sets of dinnerware and bought a new set they both liked. He could keep it, though. She did take her favorite mug – one Lucas bought her the previous Christmas.

Her phone rang, startling her from memory lane. She took it out of her pocket, saw that it was Travis calling, and answered, “I promise I am fine, Trav. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

“Vic,” he said, and her anxiety went up.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“It’s Ripley,” he told her. Vic’s blood ran cold. She set the mug down before she dropped it. Travis’s words barely registered as he continued, “We had a big fire. He was called. The place exploded. He was too close. A piece of metal went through his turnout.”

“Oh my God!” she gasped.

“Vic, it’s bad. We, uh, we’re at the hospital. He needs surgery, but he’s unconscious. They need someone to give consent for him,” Travis quickly explained.

“Yes, do it,” Vic said without thinking.

She heard Travis speak to someone in the background. Then he said to Vic again, “They need you to come sign the consent papers.”

“Which hospital?” Vic asked, already getting into the Jeep. Travis named the hospital, and Vic headed that way. She didn’t think about what she was doing or why. Lucas needed surgery to save his life. That’s all that mattered at the moment.

She reached the hospital quicker than she probably should have and dashed inside. Travis spotted her immediately and moved toward her. He was still wearing half of his turnouts and had soot and scrapes all over his arms and face. He greeted her with, “They have him in surgery now. His vitals are good, but he did lose a lot of blood.”

Her heart lurched. She reached for Travis, who led her to the nearest chair. “I still love him. I don’t want him to die. Do you think he’s going to die?”

“He’s being taken care of. They’ll do everything they can to keep that from happening,” he assured her. Vic nodded numbly. The rest of the team sat around the waiting room. Sullivan stood off in a corner, talking on his phone. Vic avoided all of their gazes.

She whispered to Travis, “Do they know yet?”

“No. We got the call just after shift started.”

Vic hesitated a moment before asking, “Why did you call me? Did the hospital try Jennifer?”

Travis shifted in his chair. “Umm, did he not tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“He listed you as his next of kin, ahead of his sister.”

“He did what?” Vic almost shouted. Everyone in the room looked her way. Vic looked at Travis and whispered, “No, he did not tell me that. Why would he do that?”

He stared at her blankly. “Maybe because he’s in love with you. I mean, that is what people in love do. They get married, list each other as next of kin. I’m guessing you don’t have him listed as yours.”

She shook her head. “I still have you.”

“As honored as I am for that, you need to change it.”

“It’s a little late.”

“Is it?”

“I moved out.”

“Of the relationship or just the house?” Travis inquired. Before Vic could respond, a doctor appeared and asked for Lucas’s family. Vic immediately stood up.

The doctor smiled at her. “We stopped the bleeding and fixed the damage. It looks like he’s going to be perfectly fine once everything heals.”

“Thank you,” Vic breathed out. Travis squeezed her hand.

“Here’s the paperwork we need you to sign for us. Someone will take you to see him once we get him settled,” the doctor explained, handing a clipboard to Vic. She signed the forms without reading them and handed it back. Then she faced her team, who all stood nearby.

“He’s okay,” she told them. They let out a collective sigh. Vic caught Sullivan’s eye and forced a smile. He studied her. She didn’t know what Lucas had told him about the current state of their relationship. Probably everything. They apparently weren’t as close as they once had been, but Vic saw her captain outside the station as much as she did at work.

It wasn’t long before a nurse came to get Vic. She sent Travis a look to let him know she was okay and turned to Sullivan. “Would you like to come with me to see him first?”

“Sure.” So the two of them followed the nurse to Lucas’s room. Vic stopped just outside and stared at the bed. He looked like he was asleep except he was on his back. He never slept on his back. She stepped into the room only after Sullivan reached Lucas’s side. His heartbeat and oxygen levels seemed to be fine. An IV sent some kind of liquid into his arm.

Vic stepped up to the other side and hesitantly reached for his hand. She didn’t grasp it like she wanted to do but just laid hers on top. She wasn’t sure what his reaction to seeing her would be when he woke up. Yet she still needed to make sure he was actually okay. She still loved him even if he didn’t love her back.

Vic stayed with him even after Sullivan left. Travis sent her a message that everyone was leaving but to call if she needed anything. Vic slid a chair up beside the bed and sat down. Once Lucas woke up, she would know that he was going to be fine. Then she could go back to his house and cry.

A couple of hours passed before Lucas started twitching and mumbling. Vic stayed motionless, afraid of what would happen when he opened his eyes. When he did, she was able to look into them. He seemed unfocused for a bit, blinked several times. Then his expression became confused. “Vic?”

“It’s me. Welcome back.”

“I thought-"

Vic shook her head. “Don’t think right now. You need to rest.”

“But you…” he faded out. His eyes drifted shut again. Vic let out a rush of air. He woke up. He was fine. She could leave and let him rest. Standing, Vic leaned over and kissed his lips. Then she left the room and the hospital. She didn’t go back to his house, though. She went to Travis’s instead, locked herself in the guest room, and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not understand how the whole consent, signing papers, thing works even after doing some research. If I got it wrong and it bugs you, I apologize.


	10. Chapter 10

Travis checked on Vic five times before she gave in and called him. He answered after the first ring. “You are alive!”

“Yes, Travis. I’m alive. I’m fine. I’m at your house avoiding my feelings.”

He huffed. “You’re supposed to be at the hospital with Ripley.”

Vic sighed. “I was there until he woke up. He doesn’t want me to be there.”

“Did he say that?”

“Not the exact words,” she admitted. “But then he didn’t say much before he went out again.”

“So you ran,” Travis stated. Vic heard the alarm go off in the background. “I have to go. But, Vic, you need to go back.”

He hung up before Vic could ask what he meant. Back to the hospital? Back to Lucas? Back in time? She wished she could do that last one. Just go back to before Andy’s wedding when her own relationship was still good. Strong. Happy. Or so she’d thought anyway.

Her mind drifted back to the hospital, where a certain man she loved was lying in a bed recovering from surgery. She wondered if he had fully woken up yet or if he was still sleeping. If he was in pain, or if the nurses were keeping up with his painkillers. Who had visited him, if anyone. Her team had left before he woke up and had to finish their shift. Vic didn’t know who else knew or was able to go see him.

It was then that Vic realized she hadn’t called Lucas’s sister. Jennifer was going to be pissed that she waited so long to tell her Lucas was injured. She probably didn’t want to talk to Vic anyway. No doubt Lucas had told his sister about Vic leaving. He really did tell her everything.

Vic found her phone and called Jennifer before she could talk herself out of it. She answered just before her voicemail should pick up. “Vic? Why are you calling me?”

Yeah, there was definitely some anger in her words. Vic ignored it. “Lucas had an accident at work. He was too close to a building that exploded and got injured pretty bad. They had to perform surgery to stop some bleeding. He’s okay now but will be in the hospital for a few days.”

“He already had surgery? When did it happen?”

“This morning,” Vic told her.

“And you’re just now calling me?”

Vic tried not to get upset. Jennifer had a right to be angry. “I’m sorry. He was unconscious, and they called me to give consent to the surgery, and then I waited for him to wake up before I left. And I just now realized I never stopped to call you.”

“Wait,” Jennifer stopped her. “You’re not at the hospital now?”

“No.”

“Why not? He needs you. More than he needs me right now.”

Vic rolled her eyes, glad Jennifer couldn’t see it. “He doesn’t need me. He doesn’t want me. I don’t know what he’s told you about the last few days, but I’m no longer with him. He just apparently hasn’t changed his next of kin back to you yet.”

Jennifer's voice was tight when she replied, “He told me you left him. And that you broke his heart. It’s probably why he got hurt today.”

Vic gasped. “Are you seriously blaming me for him being injured? I wasn’t even there!”

“That might be, but his mind hasn’t been focused on anything but you for a while now,” Jennifer informed her. “Nothing and no one has ever been able to distract him from his job. Except you. My brother is in love with you, and I thought you felt the same.”

“I do love him,” Vic admitted weakly.

“And yet you still walked out on him,” Jennifer stated. Vic sighed. Clearly Lucas’s sister thought the same about her actions as Travis. Vic wished she could think like them. That she could just go to Lucas and tell him what she wanted. What she needed. But her thoughts kept circling back to the fact that he had never said anything about wanting forever with her.

Jennifer’s voice registered in Vic’s mind, and she realized she missed part of what she said. “Sorry, can you repeat all of that?”

With a sigh, Jennifer repeated, “I said to give me the name of the hospital so I can go see my brother. I’m sure he’d rather have you at his side. But since you’re so determined to hurt him, I’ll be there to help him heal. It’s not like I haven’t had to pick up the pieces before.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Who do you think Luke ran to both times his wife left him?” Jennifer responded.

Those words stabbed Vic in the heart. “I’m assuming you, but I wouldn’t really know since I only found out he’s been married before just the other day. I definitely didn’t know it happened twice.”

Silence settled on the other end. Vic sucked in deep breaths to calm herself down. She liked Jennifer and didn’t want to take out her anger at Lucas on his sister. She was almost calm when Jennifer spoke softly. “Of course he didn’t bother to tell you about that.”

“Why?” Vic inquired. “Why would he hide something like that from me?”

“Because he’s been scared of losing you from the beginning,” Jennifer told her. “He fell for you faster and harder than either of them. Add in the whole boss thing, and drove me crazy with all of his worrying.”

Just like Vic had done with Travis. Except her worries were based on experience with Lucas. His apparently came from his experience with two other women. Two women that he had actually married. Yet he wouldn’t even talk about it with her. At least, he didn’t before he surprised her with a ring in front of her team.

Feeling her frustration with the situation climbing again, Vic quickly told Jennifer the information she needed to find Lucas. She hung up without even saying good bye. While she did like Jennifer, she didn’t want to complain about Lucas to her. Vic doubted Jennifer would accept that her brother would treat anyone the way he treated her. She didn’t want to accept it herself, and she was the one who was living it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to popular demand, I decided to add more to the story. I have no idea how many chapters there will be now.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome. Sort of.

A week passed since Lucas was injured. Vic didn’t talk to or see him, but Travis kept her updated on his recovery. Apparently he visited Lucas a few of times. The whole team went to see him at least once. Everyone but Vic. She couldn’t bring herself to go despite wanting to see him so much it hurt. She just didn’t know if he would even want her there since they were technically over.

Vic still stayed at Travis’s house. He stopped trying to get her to go back to Lucas. The only time Travis mentioned him at all was in his updates. Vic was grateful for that. She needed her best friend to support her decision, not make it harder. Yet she wondered if maybe Lucas had said something to Travis about not wanting her back. That he had finally agreed it was best for them to split. She was sure Jennifer would help with that.

Travis walked into the living room wearing his cycling gear. “Hey, you want to join us? It’s going to be an easy one today.”

“I’m good,” Vic answered without looking up from the book she was reading.

“Suit yourself.” Then he was out the door.

Not five minutes later, the doorbell rang. Vic groaned, put down the book, and hurried to the door. When she opened it, the smile she’d forced disappeared. “What are you doing here?”

Lucas’s voice sounded weak when he responded, “I need to talk to you.”

She paused, weighing the decision to let him in. He looked ragged, vulnerable. She asked, “Should you even be out of the hospital?”

“I just got out. Sully brought me. He isn’t staying, though,” he told her. Vic glanced over his shoulder to find Sullivan sitting in his car in the driveway. It was a good thing he didn’t get out. She was angry with him for denying her transfer out of SFD. Though she knew the moment he did that it was because Lucas asked him to. She sighed and waved Sullivan away before opening the door wider.

To Lucas, she said, “Come in.”

“Thank you,” he said, barely above a whisper. Vic shut the door behind him and led him to the living room. He collapsed onto the sofa. She sat in a chair opposite him. They were quiet for several awkward minutes. She didn’t know what to say, where to start. He finally sucked in a deep breath, let it out slowly, and said, “I’m sorry, Vic. For everything.”

“What do you mean by everything?” she asked, wanting to be clear.

“For springing that proposal on you, for not fighting to keep you from leaving, for whatever I did to make you want to walk away,” he listed.

Vic closed her eyes. She didn’t know if he even understood what was going on, how she felt. Travis had been talking to him. But she didn’t know what he’d told him. She trusted Travis and hoped he didn’t betray her. Yet she also knew he would do whatever it took to get her and Lucas back together.

“Can you say something? Please,” Lucas pleaded softly.

She opened her eyes and made herself look at him. “I can’t place all of the blame for your engagement scheme on you. I know Travis helped. And why would you try to stop me from leaving when it’s what you want to happen anyway?”

Shock covered the pain in his eyes. “What did I do to make you think I want that? Did I say something? Did I not say something? Please, Victoria, help me understand.”

“You never once, in two-and-a-half years, said anything about wanting a forever with me,” she told him. “You haven’t mentioned us having a future since you convinced me to move into your house. And to be honest, I haven’t really felt like you want me for months now.”

Tears escaped his eyes and trailed over his cheeks. Vic resisted the urge to go to him and wipe the tears away. He broke eye contact by lowering his head to his hands. When he looked up again, his eyes were red and held more pain than Vic had ever seen in him. Her chest ached. She knew she’d done that to him.

He said, “I do want you. I will always want you. I love you more than you could ever know. More than I know how to tell or show you. That has never and will never change.”

When he stopped, Vic asked, “Why are you just now telling me that?”

“Because I was scared. I am scared.”

“Of what?”

Lucas stared deep into her eyes as he replied, “You leaving me.”

Just like his two wives left him. Like Vic left him. She shifted in discomfort. She looked away from him, unable to handle seeing the pain she caused. Maybe she had been as wrong as Travis and Jennifer said she was. And maybe the proposal had been real. Though it still came out of nowhere.

“What made you propose?”

He looked confused for a second, but then he answered, “Honestly? Travis and I threw it together in an attempt to keep you and me together. I wish I could’ve taken more time to plan it out a little better.”

“So you didn’t mean it.”

“Well, yes. I want to marry you. I just ran out of time.”  
“You’ve had over two years.”

He actually blushed. “True. But I spent the first two years denying it and the last few months talking myself into actually going through with it.”

“Why? It’s not like you haven’t done it before,” Vic stated. The anger and betrayal she felt at that surprised her.

Lucas’s gaze snapped to hers. “That’s exactly why it’s so hard for me. I have tried the whole marriage thing. I tried it twice. Both times I fell fast and rushed into it. And both times it ended with my heart in pieces. Our relationship has lasted longer as it is than either of my marriages. I didn’t want to mess with that and chance ruining it like I did before.”

“So instead you let me believe that you don’t want to stay with me.”

“I didn’t mean to make you think that. I had no idea you felt that way.”

“Well, I did.”

“And now? Do you still think I don’t want forever with you?”

Vic sucked in a deep breath and let it out very slowly. Then she looked into his eyes and said, “I don’t know.”

His expression crumpled. He lowered his head to his hands again. Vic heard him inhale and exhale as if he were getting ready to run into a fire without a mask. She wished she could just take everything back and be like they once were. But it wasn’t that easy. He’d hurt her, and she hurt him. More than any fight they’d ever had. They wouldn’t be able to just move on from this.

Lucas lifted his head and dug his phone out. Vic asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m calling Jennifer to come get me,” he replied. His tone was clipped, matter of fact.

“I can take you home.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. She’s at ou-my house. She can come pick me up.”

“Lucas,” she stated firmly. He met her gaze. “I don’t mind taking you home.”

After a hesitation, he nodded. “Fine.”

She stood. “I’ll be right back, and we can go.”

Vic went to the room she was using and slipped on some sandals. She grabbed her keys and headed back to the living room. Lucas still sat on the sofa. He’d settled back against the cushions and stared at the table in front of him. He looked so weak, so worn, so hopeless. It broke her heart more than seeing him in the hospital.

“Ready?” she asked more to change the sight before her than to get an answer. Lucas nodded and stood up slowly and with some difficulty. Vic moved to help, but he waved her off. So she stood back and let him shuffle toward the door by himself.

It took longer for him to get into the Jeep than it usually did. And he stayed quiet the entire way to his house, even dozing off a few times. Vic could tell his body was wearing out. He should not have come to see her right out of the hospital. He needed to rest, let his body heal. Thanks to Sullivan, she wasn’t going anywhere. Unless she quit the department altogether, but she really didn’t want to give up her career when she already gave up the man she loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be wrapping this story up in the next chapter or two. I stretched it out as long as I could for those who keep telling me they want more. I literally turned one chapter into three so far. So enjoy the last few chapters of the biggest angst-filled story I've ever written (I think).


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a really good evening at church, so I feel like being nice to all of you. Enjoy 😊

Jennifer didn’t say a word to Vic when she dropped Lucas off. He at least thanked her for the ride. Vic didn’t go inside. She hadn’t been in that house since Lucas got hurt. Not even to get the rest of her things. The closest she’d gotten was the driveway. But then she would remember Travis’s phone call, and her emotions would overwhelm her all over again.

So she left Lucas with his sister and drove back to Travis’s house. He was there when she returned. “Where did you go? I thought you wanted to stay in and read today.”

Vic mumbled, “I took Lucas home.”

Travis spit out the water he’d just taken a drink of. “From where? The hospital?”

“From here,” she admitted. “Sullivan brought him by on the way home from the hospital. We…talked.”

“And?” Travis prodded.

She shrugged. “And nothing. I still need some time. To process.”

“What is there to process?”

“I’ve been through a lot lately.”

“You’re not the only one.”

Vic should be angry at the way Travis said those words. But she couldn’t. He was right. She sighed. “I know.”

“You know,” he repeated.

She exploded, “I know! Okay? I know I messed up. I know I’m not the only one hurting. I know it’s on me to fix it, if it even can be fixed at this point. But it’s not like I can just forget about everything and go back to him. It doesn’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way.”

When she stopped, she noticed Travis smiling at her. He spoke quietly. “I’m proud of you.”

“For what?”

“For admitting that you were wrong all along. That you are meant to be with him,” he told her.

She blew out a quick breath. “Yeah, yeah. I was wrong. That doesn’t change anything.”

“It could.”

“How?”

He set his glass in the sink and grabbed her arm. “We’re going to go find out right now.”

“What are we doing? Where are we going?” she asked as he dragged her out to his car. He didn’t answer but forced her into the passenger seat and slammed the door. Vic glared at him while he drove. He still wouldn’t tell her their destination. But she realized it as soon as they stopped and she looked away from him. “Travis, what are we doing here?”

“You are going to go in there and fix the disaster you created,” he finally told her. He got out and rounded to her side. Vic grudgingly opened her door and stepped out. Travis grabbed her arm again and dragged her up the sidewalk to the front porch.

Jennifer answered the door. “I thought you left.”

“She did,” Travis responded for her. “She needs to speak to Lucas.”

“He’s resting.”

Vic caught Jennifer’s eye and pleaded, “Just let me see him. Only for a few minutes.”

After glancing between Vic and Travis, Jennifer nodded and stepped back. Vic forced herself to walk inside ahead of Travis. She held her breath as she headed for the bedroom, where his sister said Lucas was resting. Neither followed her. Outside the closed door, Vic hesitated. She had no idea what to say or if he would even listen to her. But she had to try. So she knocked gently.

“I’m awake,” Lucas called out, though Vic could barely hear him. She opened the door and stepped inside. His gaze landed on her, and confusion crossed his face. “Vic? What are you doing here?”

“We need to finish our conversation,” she told him, shutting the door. Lucas pushed himself up to a sitting position and patted the bed beside him. Vic slowly moved toward him and sat on the edge of the bed. “I need to apologize to you. I’m the one that screwed everything up. My mind just locked onto the idea of you leaving me and took off with it.”

He reached for her hand but couldn’t quite grasp it. Vic held hers out so he could, the need to touch him finally winning over her self control. Lucas ran a thumb over the back of her hand as he asked, “Why did you think that in the first place?”

Vic let out a short laugh. “Because Travis asked me when it would be our turn to plan a wedding. I realized that we have never actually talked about it, not even casually.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I should’ve come to you instead of avoiding you. I don’t know what I was thinking,” she admitted.

Lucas stated, “When I first noticed you pulling away, I went through every emotion possible. Up until then, I thought everything was perfectly fine. We were happy. We were in love. We shared a home, woke up next to each other most days.”

“We stalled,” Vic commented.

“What?”

Vic explained, “When I told Travis what I thought was going on, he said it sounded like our relationship stalled. We'd fallen into a routine and never bothered to go to the next step.”

A smile appeared on Lucas’s lips. “He said the same thing to me at the wedding.”

“You talked about it at Andy’s wedding?”

He nodded. “He told me about your conversation and asked why we never talked about the subject.”

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth.”

“So Travis has known everything this whole time? About your previous marriages? About why you never brought it up with me?” Vic asked, not sure if she felt more anger or amazement.

Lucas nodded. “Yes. He’s been helping me try to fix it. Or I’ve been helping him. He’s determined to get us back together and married.”

Vic began to laugh. She couldn’t stop herself. It was so true that Travis had been putting in a lot of effort. He’d been their number one supporter since he found out they were dating. He spent so much time with them that he felt comfortable enough to see Lucas as a friend when not on the job. Sometimes he even forgot to treat Lucas like his boss when they were on scene.

When she finally stopped laughing, Lucas asked, “So have we?”

“Have we what?” she responded as she wiped away her tears of laughter.

“Fixed us.”

Vic stared into his eyes. The pain had eased. In its place was a bit of fear mixed with hope. She moved closer to him on the bed. “I think we can try. I’m willing to try.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Can it start with you coming home?”

Vic smiled. “No. It can start with you putting that beautiful ring on my finger.”

His eyes widened. “I don’t have-"

The door opened, and the ring box flew toward them. Then the door shut again. Vic and Lucas looked at each other and chuckled. Vic inquired, “Travis had it, didn’t he?”

Lucas nodded as he opened the box and pulled out the ring. “He was keeping it safe in case you changed your mind about me.”

“It’s a good thing he did.”

“Yes, it is,” Lucas agreed. Vic held out her left hand, and he slipped the ring onto her finger. He kissed her hand and looked up to meet her gaze. “So you really are willing to marry me?”

“I am,” she replied. “Are you willing to marry me?”

“Of course,” he responded. Then he captured her lips with his. Vic kissed him back, her hand shifting to the back of his head. She was careful not to lean over him enough to bother his injuries. But even then, the kiss felt different, better. It was desperate, and happy, and full of love.

They both put all of their feelings and promises into their kiss. Everything melted away in that moment. The past. The dark thoughts. The fear. The pain. Even their surroundings faded until it was just the two of them. That is, until Travis startled them both from outside the room by exclaiming, “Finally!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. While not the longest, this has definitely been the most involved, angst filled story I've ever written. Thank you to everyone who read, enjoyed, commented on, and gave kudos for any and all of it. I hope I gave you everything you needed in the last couple of chapters. ❤


End file.
